The After Life
by Catchick10
Summary: When James, Victoria, Laurent and a few others died, they obviously went to hell. When they get in fights, they end up killing each other. But where is there to go after death in hell? They're about to find out. AU, OOC at times, rated T for langauge.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so I know I had this story before, but it really sucked, so I'm re-writing it. And it's better this time :P I don't own Twilight or any of the characters. Just so there's no confusion, all three POVs start at different times, and in different places (for now - they will all come together soon). Enjoy :)**

_Victoria POV_

As I came into the clearing, I realized that I was right. He was with her. My instincts told me to run, that it was dangerous to be here, but something held me back. It was her. I wanted her, but more, I wanted to feel Edward's pain as I killed the love of his life, just like he did to me.

Edward's voice caught me off guard as he tried to persuade Riley not to attack. Riley looked uncertain, he was sure that I loved him. Unfortunately for him, he was wrong. I had never loved him. He can't know that, though, or my plan will fall apart.

"Riley, don't listen to him. You know I love you and only you. I told you they play mind games."

Riley appeared to believe me, the idiot that he was, and he was about to attack when a dark shape took him out from behind.

The huge wolf attacked Riley as I tried to get to Bella. I paused with surprise when I saw the werewolf's tail brush against Edward's back. Vampires and werewolves are sworn enemies; would the wolf turn on him?

"No, he won't turn on me," Edward answered my thoughts. "We're allied now. You've provided us with a common enemy."

Well, that sucks. Now, get out of my head, you stupid vampire. Wait, I'm a vampire too. Crap. Stupid mind reader. I wonder what else he's seen in my head.

"Stuff I didn't want to," he muttered.

I could hear Riley calling for my help, but I ignored him. I was only interested in Bella.

Dammit! The wolf killed that useless, good-for-nothing twerp. Maybe I should have helped him. Oh well, at least now I don't have to get rid of him myself. One less chore for me to do.

Uh oh. Two against one. My instincts were telling me to run, but my legs wouldn't cooperate. Instead, I backed slowly toward the forest.

I was about to turn and flee when I heard Edward'[s voice telling be that I'd never get another chance this good to get what I wanted. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. My prize was Bella, and I wanted her more than anything.

My decision was final. It could be my only chance to get my revenge. I felt like I was getting close to what I wanted when Edward jumped onto my unprotected back.

I tried to fight back, but it was too late. Edward's teeth had sunk into my neck, and I could feel a sharp pain being inflicted upon my body.

I heard something crack just then. Ow! Was that my neck. I couldn't be sure, but the ground was getting closer.

I couldn't see anything as my red hair blew into my face. After a moment, I could see again. I saw the sky, then the ground, then the sky again . . . What's happening to me?

Hey, is that my body up there on the mountain? Ooh, that shirt made me look sexy, but I think those pants made my butt look too big. Wait a minute . . . I can see my body . . . why am I not dead?

Is it just me, or is it getting hot? Duh, it must be me. Holy crap, it's getting really hot. Oh well, at least the guys will like me in heaven. I wonder where all the fluffy white clouds are?

What's with those flames. Heaven doesn't have flames. And why does that guy have a pitchfork? And. . . is that James? Okay, this is definitely not heaven.

"James!" I cried. "Over here!"

"Victoria?" he asked, with what I assumed was disbelief. "Fancy meeting you here. What happened to you?"

"It's a long story," I said, not wanting to get into it.

"Victoria, we're in the Underworld, for crying out loud. We've got time."

He was right. I hate it when he's right.

"Well, I was in Seattle," I started, then I felt a sudden pain. The weird part was that I could feel the pain in my body, but my body wasn't attached to my head. I think Edward was burning my body. "Ow, my leg! Ow, my arm! Ow, my other leg! Ow, my other arm!" I cried as I felt each piece of my body being burned.

"Victoria! What the hell is wrong with you? No pun intended."

"I think my body is being burned," I explained.

"What? That's crazy!" he exclaimed. Then, my singed body parts started to fall on his head. This was getting weirder and weirder.

When my entire body was there, I asked him, "Now that my body is here, would you mind putting me back together?"

Naturally, he agreed. He worked in silence for a while, so it startled me when he asked, "Is this your butt or your boob?"

"If anyone should know, it would be you," I shot back.

He thought about that, then answered, "It's been a while."

"Yeah, well, if a fart comes out of my chest, I'm blaming you."

He laughed and finished putting me together. When he was done, I looked into the river that we'd been sitting near to see my reflection. "Something doesn't look right."

James laughed and said, "I'm sure everything's fine. Now, can you finish your story?"

Since we had all the time in the world, I finished the story, leaving out the parts about what I had done with/told Riley. When I was done, I said, "James, could you put me back together?"

"You are together."

"Yeah, but you made a few mistakes. Could you put me together the right way?"

_James POV_

I couldn't believe it. How had I ended up here? Not that I didn't belong, but I just couldn't get my head around the whole concept. All I had done was go hunting – is that so bad? Apparently so, cause if it wasn't, I wouldn't be here. And to make it worse, I was all alone.

Well, Laurent had shown up about half a year ago, but he was just too annoying, so I took care of him pretty quickly. Who knew you could kill a dead person? I wonder where he is now. Not that I really care, as long as it isn't here.

I was standing around, bored as usual, when something caught my attention. It was flaming red, like everything else in this place, but it was a different red. A familiar red. It looked like Victoria's hair, but that was impossible.

"James! Over here!" a voice called.

Funny. It sounded like Victoria, too. I looked in the general direction that the voice had come from, and I saw my mate. Well, rather, my mate's head. I couldn't believe it. Well, really, who would?

"Victoria? Fancy meeting you here. What happened to you?"

"It's a long story," she said. She was missing something really obvious.

"Victoria, we're in the Underworld, for crying out loud. We've got time."

I knew I was right, and I knew that she knew that. She decided to tell me.

"Well, I was in Seattle," she started. Then, she went crazy. "Ow, my leg! Ow, my arm! Ow, my other leg! Ow, my other arm!"

"Victoria! What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked. Then, as an afterthought, I added, "No pun intended."

"I think my body is being burned," she explained.

"What? That's crazy!" I exclaimed. I was about to say more when her body parts started to shower down on me. I don't know why I didn't just move out of the way. I guess I was too dumbfounded.

When her whole body was there, she asked, "Now that my body is here, would you mind putting me back together?"

Of course, I agreed, and I began to work in silence. It wasn't that I didn't have anything to say, I just needed to concentrate.

After a while, I picked up something that I couldn't identify. I decided to ask Victoria about it. After all, it was her body.

"Is this your butt or your boob?" I asked.

That seemed to tick her off, and I couldn't blame her. It wasn't my fault that I didn't know.

"If anyone should know, it would be you."

Jeez, touchy. She was right, though. She would have been able to put me back together, no problem. Then again, I didn't have boobs.

"It's been a while."

She appeared to be a little flustered, but she answered, "Yeah, well, if a fart comes out my chest, I'm blaming you."

I laughed and finished putting her together. When I was done, she looked into the nearby river to study her reflection. "Something doesn't look right."

"I'm sure everything's fine. Now, can you finish your story?" I asked.

She finished the story, and when she was done, she said, "James, could you put me back together now?"

I was confused. "You are together."

"Yeah, but you made a few mistakes. Could you put me together the right way?"

_Six months earlier._

_Laurent POV_

I couldn't believe it. I was running as fast as I could, and those werewolves were catching up to me. I closed my eyes as they gained on me, and I felt them snap my neck.

Well, I guess I should be floating up to heaven any time now. I mean, not that I've ever really died before, but I think that's what happens. Wait a minute. Why am I sinking? Heaven is up. I guess I'm not going to heaven. That sucks.

Hey, it's James! "Hi, James!" I said excitedly.

"Hi," he said, not glancing up from what he was doing.

"Watcha doing? Can I help? How'd you get here? I thought-"

He cut me off. "Shut up! You were annoying back on Earth. Now that we're here, it's even worse."

"But, I-"

"Shut the hell up!" he roared.

"Okay, okay," I agreed, but I was kinda ticked off. So, I said, "You know, I saw Victoria with another guy. I guess she forgot all about you."

He snarled and jumped toward me in fury. I felt him jump on my back and everything went black. Not again!

When I woke up, it was too bright. Actually, I was surprised that I woke up at all, considering the fact that I had been killed twice in a day. Only possible for a vampire.

I could hear strange noises, and the smell of the place burned my nose. I opened my eyes when something wet dropped onto my face. I wiped it off and looked up to see a white creature with a horn in the middle of its head looking down at me.

Where the hell was I?

**Review please :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two (which took a really long time to type) ! I don't own Twilight, although I do own any non-Twilight characters that are in this chapter. And also the place that Laurent is in. Enjoy :)**

_Laurent POV_

This had to be the strangest predicament I'd ever been in, and I'd been in some pretty weird situations. And awkward ones. Like that time when Victoria and James . . . no, don't even think about _that._ I had nightmares for weeks, and vampires can't even sleep!

When I was finally capable of standing, I stood. I looked around, and it was even weirder than _that _time when – no! Stop thinking about _that_!

I kept looking around, trying to figure out where I was. I had died in hell, so obviously I wasn't in heaven. And I definitely wasn't still in hell. I mean, when you die, then get killed again, where do you go? I didn't expect it to be here. You would think it would be worse than hell, but this place is mostly white with fluffy clouds and single-horned creatures. And rainbows! I love rainbows!

It's still weird that I came from the Underworld to here. Almost weirder than – no! Don't think about _that_! I was specifically trying not to think about _that_ when I saw the unexpected, the unimaginable, the unthinkable – no, not _that_!

It was like something from a fairy tale, kind of like this place was. It was something I wouldn't have expected to see after some of the sights I've seen before – NO! Not _that_ sight! It was my sister!

"Lamia! How did you end up here?" I asked.

"It's a long story," she said.

"You sound like Victoria," I complained, trying to block the image of _that_ out of my head. Stupid hormones.

"Who's Victoria?" she asked, sounding jealous. I guess she thought Victoria was my mate, and was jealous cause she doesn't have one. What if Victoria was my mate? That would be scary . . . scarier than _that_. Then again, if she was my mate, _that_ wouldn't have been scary. It sure would have ticked me off though.

"Well," I said, shuddering at the memory, "I'd rather not think about her right now. Now, stop changing the subject. How did you get here? What is 'here' anyway?"

"Do you remember the story about that vampire who created all those immortal children?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Well, that was me."

"Oh. Well, expect the unexpected here, I guess." But not _that_. Arrrgh!

"So how did you get here?"

After I was finished explaining everything that had happened, not mentioning _that_ at all, even though she'd wanted me to, I asked her again where we were. It was getting really annoying not knowing where this place was. Not that it mattered, it was just irritating.

"I've been here for three years, and I still don't know what this place is," Lamia told me.

Well, that's interesting. Not knowing where I am. Not knowing where I'll end up if I die again. And unless I die, I'll never know. Is that even possible? I guess it must be. If I already died three times, two of those times being in one day, I guess it could happen again. I wonder what else is going to happen to me . . . besides having to think about _that_ for the rest of my existence.

My train of thought was derailed when Lamia yelled, "Hello! I've been trying to get your attention for five minutes. Are you still alive!"

"I'm not really sure, since I've died twice today," I said. I was about to say something else when I heard a rumbling noise from down below. Well, not that far down. "So," I asked, "What do we drink here anyway?"

"Well, I've grown rather fond of the unicorns. Watch out for the horn, though. It can be fatal if you get it in the wrong place."

Okay, didn't need that mental picture. It's almost worse than – no! Stop thinking about _that_!

"You're lucky I gave you the warning. I had to learn the hard way, and let me tell you, it was hard.

And then we lived happily ever after. I wish. If only life was that simple. Instead of living happily ever after, I would have to spend the rest of eternity thinking about _that_. Damn those memories.

_6 months later again._

_James POV_

I feel as if I have everything I want now. Victoria and I are finally together, so there should be no problem. But there is. I feel like something's missing. Maybe it's Laurent. He was always a pain in the ass, but sometimes it was good company. I wonder where he is. The again, I don't really care. That means it's probably not him that I'm missing.

I'm thinking that something is missing because Victoria is here. When she wasn't here, I had freedom. I could go anywhere with anyone, and check out all the hot chicks in hell. And there are a lot of them. But now that she's here, I can't do that without her ripping my head off. Don't get me wrong, I love her, but sometimes I like a little variety.

When I died and came to hell, I hoped that I wouldn't get thirsty. I do love the taste of blood, and I do love hunting, but I hate the constant burning in my throat. Unfortunately, thirst still exists in hell.

"Hey, James, are you thirsty?" Victoria called from the next room. She really didn't need to yell, but it just seems more natural.

"Yeah," I yelled back.

"Is there anything left in the freezer?"

"No, we'll have to order out."

"Okay, cool. Wait. How do we order out?"

"I'll take care of it," I said, and headed toward the phone. I picked it up and dialed. When a female voice answered, I said, "Hello. Is this the Adoption Center?"

About ten minutes later, the doorbell rang. Finally. I wonder if they think it's weird that we want to adopt twenty-five kids. I guess it doesn't really matter. It's weird enough to have an adoption center in hell.

I answered the door. "Hi," said the woman. "Here are your twenty-five kids. I don't know why you would possibly want to adopt that many, but I guess it's not really my business."

"No, it's not."

She held out her clipboard and showed me about 50 different spaces. "If you could just sign here, that would be great."

"I'd rather skip that part," I said.

"I'm sorry. If you don't sign, I can't give you the kids."

I was about to kill her, when she turned around and bent down to pick up one of the little kids that was running away. Then, I noticed how hot she was. "Wow, you're hotter than my wife," I blurted out, before I could stop myself. Shit. I hope Victoria didn't hear that.

The woman gave me a weird look.

"Please don't tell my wife I said that," I begged. If she doesn't already know.

"Don't worry. I won't. I'm actually trying to forget that you said that."

This is just great. I can't let Victoria find out about this. Ever. She'd rip my head off. I know the woman said she wouldn't tell anyone, but you never know. She is just a human. I have to get rid of her.

"Wanna stay for dinner?" I asked.

"Um," she said, "I'd really rather . . . uh . . . well, it would be . . . um . . . I have other deliveries to make and . . ."

"Oh just shut up and get in here," I said, and pulled her through the door. I brought her and the kids to the living room, where Victoria was waiting.

"Well, James, you didn't tell me we were having a guest for dinner," she said when I walked into the room.

I grinned, catching the double meaning in the words, 'guest for dinner.' My grin disappeared when the human woman turned to me and whispered, "Wow, you're right. I am hotter-" I cut off her sentence by biting her. She screamed.

"James, why the hell would you do that?" Victoria asked.

"Um, I just couldn't resist. She smelled so good."

"She didn't smell nearly as good as Bella."

"What was she about to say?" she wondered.

"Probably just how hot it is in here."

"James, this is the Underworld," she pointed out. "No place is hotter."

"Uh . . ."

"Besides," Victoria continued, "She said 'I am hotter'. Who was she comparing herself to?"

"The was no 'er.' It was part of her scream."

She looked like she was starting to get suspicious. I guess I don't blame her. Usually, I just get to the point. Right now, I am definitely not getting to the point.

"I'm not stupid, James. What the hell is going on here?"

This wasn't really working out the way I planned. She was obviously really suspicious now. She can't be suspicious. The girl's dead for crying out loud – and she tasted really good.

"That's not important," I said, trying to distract her. "Aren't you thirsty?"

"Stop trying to distract me. It's not working. If you don't tell me the truth now, we're leaving. Me and my children."

One of the kids piped up, "Hey! Don't we get any say in this?"

"Oh, shut up. You're gonna be lunch anyway," Victoria snarled.

Uh oh. She's getting really mad now.

"I paid for those children," I protested, trying one last time to change the subject. I think that was the wrong thing to do.

"It's my money too, and stop changing the subject."

Dammit. I thought it might have worked this time. How could I have been so foolish? What to do, what to do? I killed Laurent so that I could get away from him. I don't want to end up living with him. Where is he anyway? If I don't think of an explanation soon, I'm gonna find out.

"James," she interrupted my thoughts. "I'm waiting."

This is not going to end well. What can I do now? I've already dug myself a grave for when this is all over, so what should I do now? Order some flowers?

She was still standing across from me, waiting for the explanation that I didn't have. Why did I have to say that? I have such a big mouth. It's times like these I wish Laurent was around, so she could kill him instead of me.

"James, I'm still waiting."

I didn't answer.

"James, just say it."

"You'll get mad."

"I can't get any madder than I already am."

I still didn't answer. I knew from experience that she was lying.

"So, what are you waiting for? Just say it. Say it . . . or . . . or"

"Or what?"

"Or I'm leaving."

How interesting. She was threatening to leave me. It would certainly bring the variety back into my life. On the other hand, if I actually let her leave, she'd come back and kill me later. I know Victoria and she always gets revenge.

"No, don't leave."

"Then tell me," she grinned, knowing she had something over me.

Arrrgh. She had me and she knew it. I'd either have to tell her, or she'd leave. Which didn't sound too bad, but then I'd be visiting Laurent. And that sounds bad. I need an excuse. Fast.

"Uh . . ." This was gonna be hard. Maybe I should just tell the truth.

"Go on."

I had no choice. I had to tell her.

"Um . . . she was going to say, 'You're right, I am hotter than her.' Her being you."

_Victoria POV_

"WHAT?" I screamed, and a couple of bullet-poof windows shattered.

Who would he say that? I know he said it, because she said, 'you're right.' I mean, sure, she was pretty, for a human, but she was nothing compared to me. What is wrong with him? Well, actually, a lot of things, but that's another story. That list would take centuries to complete.

I didn't know what to say. I was speechless. What could I say? What does one say when their mate calls another woman hot? And, I loved him, so I didn't want to kill him. The urge to rip his head off was strong.

Instead of killing him, I yelled, "WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?"

"Ha ha, I was just kidding," he lied poorly.

"Well, the joke's on you cause I'm not buying it."

He knew there was no point in arguing with me. There never is. I always win.

"Look, I don't know what came over me," he said. "Can't you just let it go?"

Let it go? Let it go? Ha! I don't think so. There's no way I'm going to let this go. Just the thought of him comparing me to a human was bad, but saying that she was hotter than me? That was wrong on so many different levels.

There was only one thing to do now. Something necessary. Something he would never think I was capable of. Something I didn't want to do, but I could no longer control the urge. I let all my anger out, and did something regrettable. I crouched, sprang, and aimed for his throat.

"Victoria! Noooooooooooooo!'

James POV

I can't believe she killed me. My own mate killed me! And it hurt. I think this is the worst headache I've ever had. And now I'm all alone.

"Hello?"

There was no answer.

"Anybody?"

"James!" a voice cried. Oh no. Not him. Anyone but him.

"Laurent? Oh, shit."

**In case anyone's interested, Lamia is the Greek Myth name of an evil spirit who abducts and murders children (immortal children, anyone?). It also means 'vampire' in Latin. So, I don't own the name, but I do own the character. :) And I would really appreciate it if I got reviews, because as far as I know, nobody's reading this story :P It would be great to know that someone is :P Review please :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Yeah it's been a while but I've been busy. I don't own Twilight but i do own Lamia and the place they're in.**

_James POV_

Why? Why me? Of all the vampires in the Universe, it had to be me. I shouldn't have been such an idiot with Victoria. If only I could go back in time and think of a better excuse, I wouldn't be here. I would be back in hell with her, drinking our childrens blood. But, no. I had to end up here. Of all the possible places to end up, I ended up here. With him.

"James, it's such a relief that you're here," Laurent interrupted my thoughts.

"Yeah. Yay you."

"So, who killed you?"

"Huh?"

"Well, you killed me and I came here. So, who killed you?"

"Victoria."

Laurent snickered. "You got killed by a girl. Susks to be you."

"You have no idea."

"So, what do you want to do?" he asked.

"Die."

"James, you were dead. Then you died again. Dying three times would be asking too much."

"Dying three times would not be asking enough."

This is a nightmare. Unicorns, rainbows, Laurent . . . happy things! I hate happy things. I'd rather be in hell with Victoria, and since she's angry, that would not be a pretty sight. If she came here, it wouldn't be so bad. There are absolutely no girls here, so she'd be better than nothing. Well, there's Laurent's sister, but she is NOT hot.

Stupid Laurent is still over there, babbling about nothing to who knows who. I think I need to do something about that. I lunged for him.

"James! Nooooooo!"

_Laurent POV_

Ow . . . my head. That really hurt. What's that? Three times that I've died now? That has to be a record. Where am I? This place seems strangely familiar.

"James?" I asked.

"Laurent?" Weird. I hadn't expected him to answer.

"How did you get here?"

"Don't you remember?"

"No. Did you just kill me again?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Then why am I still here?"

"I dunno. I guess there's nowhere to go after this. Great. Just great. Why won't you die?"

"You know what, James," I said. "I'm starting to think you don't want me around."

"No kidding."

_James POV_

Perfect. Just perfect. He won't die. Why won't he freaking die? How can you not die in an after-life? Well, come to think of it, I guess that makes sense. It's actually pretty messed up that you can even die in hell. Maybe there's a glitch in the system . . .

This could only happen to me. Not to Victoria. Not to any of those stupid Cullens. Not to the Volturi. Only to me. Laurent is the biggest pain in the butt ever and now we're stuck. Forever. It's like we're stuck in a never ending fairy tale.

"Hey, James," Laurent said. "Being in this place is kind of like being in a fairy tale, you know?" Before I could agree, he asked, "So, why aren't there any fairies?"

"I'm not going to dignify that question with an answer."

I turned away from Laurent and saw something bright red. And unlike hell, everything in this place was not red.

Could it be . . .? No, I don't think that's possible. It's not . . . it is! Victoria!

"Victoria!" I said. "How did you end up here? I mean, you just killed me in hell half an hour ago. How did you manage to die already? Are you still mad at me?"

"Of course I'm still mad, James."

Crap.

Right at that moment, Laurent had to go and babblt stupidly again. "Victoria, you're here! I know this place sucks, but this is gonna be great. It'll be just like old times, but it'll be new times because the old times weren't here. Only not like _that_ time. So, how did you get here? You were, like, the best at escaping death? What did you do?"

I had been wondering the same thing, actually.

"I pissed off the devil."

**Yeah I know it's shorter than the rest. Please review . . . i really dunno if anyone's even reading this . . . so if you are, please review :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ok, so a couple things: First of all, I am aware that I haven't updated in 2 years. And the sad part is, I've had these chapters written the whole time. See, this is how it worked. When I was 12, had just gotten into to Twilight, and thought "Hey, wouldn't it be funny to see Victoria and James in hell?" It started as a one-shot and escalated from there. I had a bunch of stories written and printed, but didn't do anything with them. Eventually, I started to post them and just never finished. So now, I'm finishing. Second of all, I am aware that this story is messed up beyond belief - how I came up with any of this, I do not know. But it's here, and I'm going to finish posting what my weird 12 year old self decided to write just in case anyone cares. If not, I don't blame you. But if any of you get a kick out of this, please, enjoy :)**

_Victoria POV_

"What did you do?" Laurent asked.

I ignored his question and asked a quetion of my own. "Where am I? What is this place?"

"Nobody knows."

"Seriously, Vicky," James said. "What'd you do."

"Hold your horses, I'll explain in a minute. And don't call me Vicky."

I started to tell my story.

After I killed James, I decided to drink my children. After drinking ten of them, I put the rest in the freezer for latee. They were small, but man, were they filling. I decided to go for a walk, but there was nothing much to see - flames, moats, rivers . . . I felt like I was walking in a circular oven.

It had only been so hours, but I was so bored without James. At least when I was on Earth, I had something to do. I was so bored I actually considered killing myself so I could be with James. But then again, how did I know that there was a life after the after life.

I kept walking around absentmindedly until something caught my eye. I thought I had seen something familiar, so I took a second look. It was a man. He was wearing red and had a pitchfork - well that makes sense. . . he was the devil. But that's not why I recognized him. I knew I'd seen him before, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

He looked up as I approached. "Hello."

Then, it clicked. It was that guy from that place . . . somewhere in Washington . . . Forks! The guy from the boathouse that we ate . . . the one who kept asking those 'same inane questions.'

"I know you," he said. I looked at him in surprise. Why would he remember me? Oh, yeah, cause I'm super hot. And I ate him. "You're that hot chick that ate me."

"Thank you, Captain Duh."

I didn't get why this guy was here. I mean, he didn't seem like a bad guy, so why would he end up in hell? Maybe heaven was full or something.

"How did you get here?"

"Long story."

"No, seriously," I said. "How'd you get here?"

He told me how he'd gotten here. When he finished his story, I was really ticked off. That's it? That's all he did? That's not evil. I'm evil. I deserve to be the devil.

I grabbed his pitchfork.

"Hey! Give that back!"

"No! You don't deserve it!"

"You son of a-"

He was cut off when I stabbed him. Yup, that's right. I stabbed the devil with his own pitchfork. It didn't really work though. Even though he'd been easy to kill when he was human, apparently when you become the devil, that changes.

_Snap._ Everything went black.

When I woke up, there was a unicorn sitting on me. Seriously? A unicorn? That's the best they could do after the underworld? Then, I saw Laurent. And I knew my life was officially over - for the third time.

"Hey!" Laurent exclaimed.

"What?" I asked. "You know I never liked you."

"Um . . ." James interrupted.

"Yes, James, I'm still mad at you."

"How did you know what I was gonna say?"

"It's a girl thing. You wouldn't understand," I said.

"Thankfully," he agreed.

We stood there staring at each other for a few seconds, and then he said, "Victoria . . ." I knew that voice. It was his 'trying to be reasonable so Victoria doesn't kill me' voice. Well, I'd show him.

He saw it coming, and said, "Trust me, it doesn't work. I already tried it."

"Hey . . . it's not my fault that it didn't work."

"True, but why do you have to be here? Surely there was somewhere else you could have gone?"

Well, this is just great. I'm stuck in La La Land with the two biggest idiots ever. I'd kill myself if I knew how. Maybe . . .

"Jeez, Victoria, it doesn't work," James said. Oh. I didn't realize that I was thinking out loud. "Sometimes I think you're dumber than Laurent."

"What did you just say?" I asked.

"No, I didn't mean it. I-"

Well, this is gonna be fun. I'm gonna be here for the rest of eternity with James and his big mouth. I wonder how many stupid things he'll say . . . too many to cound, probably.

"What I mean to say was . . ." he tried again.

"Go on."

_Laurent POV_

As soon as James made that comment about me being stupid, I knew it was time to leave. I never want to be around when Victoria's mad. I decided to go talk to Lamia instead. Maybe clear up the 'that' issue. I really think I'll feel better if I talk about it.

This is all James's fault. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here. If he hadn't hunted Bella, I wouldn't have had to leave, and then I wouldn't have gone back to the meadow and gotten killed by werewolves. I also wouldn't have met Irina though. So, really, it's his fault that I'm stuck here with _that _is in my memory.

It was horrifying, disgusting and unthinkable, yet I couldn't stop thinking about it. No matter how much I wish it hadn't happened, it did. It made me sick, and there was nothing to distract me from it. Not Lamia, not that stupid unicorn injury (don't ask - you really don't wanna know), nothing. Ugh . . . _that._

Once I found Lamia, I decided to tell her about it.

"Lamia?" I ventured.

"Can I tell you about _that_?"

"No."

"Oh, come on. You don't even have to listen."

"Jeez, Laurent, I said no!"

You know what? I'm sick and tired of people telling me what to do. James does it, Victoria does it, Lamia does it, Irina did it, even Bella tried to do it. I'm just gonna tell her anyway.

"Okay, so James, Victoria and I were in Washington . . ."

Lamia interrupted me. "I know I'm gonna regret this, but who is James?"

"Victoria's mate."

"I thought you were Victoria's mate."

"No! How could you think that? Victoria is vile and deceiving, and don't forget disturbing. How could I be mates with someone like her? I have a mate back on Earth."

"Bro, chill. I was just asking."

I chilled, which wasn't hard to do, since I was a vampire. We're naturally cold. I took a lot of deep breaths, which wasn't necessary, if you think about it, and then continued with the story.

"So, we had hunted near Forks, Washington one too many times, and the people were starting to get suspicious. We decided to give the humans a false lead and lead them east. Victoria set the bait. Once the humans took the bait, she returned to where James and I were waiting. Then they . . ."

I coudn't bring myself to say it. I mean, it's one thing to see it over and over in my head - it's just like a TV show playing the same episode over and over again, but I can't change the channel or turn off the TV - but it's a whole other thing to say it out loud.

"It's that bad?" Lamia asked.

"You have no idea. You weren't there."

"Lucky for me, I guess."

"Yeah," I agreed.

"Must suck to be you."

What an understatement. There are no words to describe how awful that chapter of my life was.

Lamia was getting impatient, even though she had started out not wanting to know. "So, what did they do?"

"Okay, here goes. They started to make out."

Lamia laughed.

"What's so funny?" I didn't get why she was laughing. I found this totally disgusting. Where was the humour in this?

"That's it? They were making out?"

"Yeah, but a lot."

"That's the big _that_? The 'I can't bring myself to recall such horrible memories'? That's it?"

"But you weren't there." I shuddered. "It was . . . oh, nevermind."

**Hey, I warned you about it being weird (if you're still here).. If you are, please review :) I'll be posting the rest of the chapters soon...Merry Christmas everyone :D **


	5. Chapter 5

**Yay, I got a follower :D Also, feel free to check out my other stories, Cullens at Camp and Return to John Island. In my opinion, they are waaaay better than this :P Enjoy, all Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer :)**

_Victoria POV_

Arrrgh! Is this ever going to end? Nobody likes me. James thinks that a _human _ is hotter than me, and that _Laurent_ is smarter than me! Lamia doesn't like me (must be jealousy), and even the stupid unicorns hate me. I think Laurent, aka 'Mr Happy Sunshine,' hates me too.

"Go on," I repeated. I couldn't wait for his explanation this time.

"You know how sometimes things just slip out?" James asked.

"Mm-hmmm."

"Well, this was one of those times."

What a lame excuse. He should really think things over before he says them.

"Whatever," I said. "I'm gonna go hunt."

Damn unicorn! Who knew those horns were so sharp? I tried to sink my teeth into the animal, but instead, I got a horn in the eye.

I was getting really ticked now. I reached up, grabbed the horn and pulled with all my strength. Take that, unicorn!

I stabbed the unicorn with its own horn. Poke! Poke! Poke! Wow, I must be the most sadistic person ever.

"Ow, why are you stabbing me? It better be pretty freaking important. Is the meadow on fire?"

I stared at the unicorn. "Did you just talk?"

"Yes."

"But you're a unicorn."

"Yeah, and you're a vampire," it pointed out. "Neither of us is very normal. I'm Charlie, pleased to meet you."

Ok, whatever. I got ready to sink my teeth into its neck (again), but instead, he bit me. Oh, screw this. I stalked back to James.

"You're back. That was fast. Did you enjoy your unicorn?" James asked.

"Yeah."

"Why are you still thirsty?" he asked.

"I'm not," I lied.

"Your eyes are still black."

"Okay, fine, I didn't eat anything," I admitted. "Those unicorn are tougher than they look."

James laughed. How brave of him. I decided to let it slide this time. But mostly because something strange happened just then - a human appeared right between us. How convienient is this?

_Human POV_

What happened? Where am I? The last thing I remember is an angry guy with a pitchfork and a sharp, stabbing pain. I looked up and saw a beautiful scarlet-haired woman in front of me.

"Woah, who are you? You're hot!" I exclaimed.

"Hey, stay away from her!" I heard a voice from behind me.

"Holy crap!" I looked between them. "Who are you guys?"

"It's always the same inane questions," the blonde guy started, but he was cut off by the hot woman, who was apparently unavailable.

"Shut up, James," she said. She turned to look at me, and I could feel my heart speed up.

_Victoria POV_

He smelled so good. Sweeter than any blood I'd ever smelled. Sweeter than Bella's, sweeter than the Devil's. It was amazing. I heard his heart speed up as I looked at him. Was he scared, or was he reacting to my hotness? Probably the second one. He started to smell better as I leaned closer. I sank my sharp teeth into his neck and drained his body of blood. Then, the strangest thing happened. His body disappeared, then reappeared behind me.

What the hell? Okay, I know when you kill someone here, they come back, but that was Laurent, and he's not normal. Also, this guy was a human. Shouldn't it be different for humans? They're not exactly indestructible.

I stared at him for a second, then attacked again. A minute later, he reappeared. I was still trying to figure that one out when Laurent showed up.

"Watcha doing?" he asked. "How's it going? Who's that guy lying on the ground? Is he human? He smells human, but then, why would a human be here? He-"

"Laurent?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut the hell up!" exclaimed James.

"Sure, I can do that!"

"Really?" James asked in disbelief.

"Yup."

"Then do it," he growled.

I tuned them out and went back to eating my human. I'm really liking this. At least being stuck here with Lamia and 'Mr Happy Sunshine' won't be so bad now that I have an endless food supply. I'm still thirsty. Maybe just once more.

_Human POV_

"Woah, please, no more. I love to get killed by hot chicks with big boobs, but four times is too much. Isn't there something else around here that you could drain the blood from?" I asked.

"Shut up and let me eat you."

"Don't I get a say in this?" I asked.

"Are you a very thirsty vampire with super-strength?" she questioned.

"No . . ."

"Then you don't get a say in it."

"That's not fair!" I exclaimed.

"Shut up, fast food. Life's not fair."

Ouch. Yup, she got my neck again. Now she's draining the blood from my body. I'm fading out. Goodbye cruel, cruel world.

Hello again. I guess I'm back. Uh-oh, she's coming closer. Again. This is never going to end, is it?

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	6. Chapter 6

**Enjoy :)**

_Human POV_

Can this get any worse? Not only did I get killed by the Devil, but now I'm here and I get killed at least three times a day. So far, the count is: Victoria - 53, James - 41, Lamia - 45, and Laurent - 48. And I've only been here for a week! Uh-oh, it's 6:00. I'd better go hide!

I can hear them now.

"Where's the food?"

"I don't know? I'll find it."

"Duh, you're a tracker. Shouldn't be that hard."

"So, what are we gonna do after this? We could play soccer, or baseball, or-"

"Shut up, Laurent!"

I couldn't tell who was saying what, only that they were getting closer. Oh crap, they found me. Here comes the pain.

_Victoria POV_

That was really good. Maybe just one more time. I had just attacked the human again when the strangest thing happened. I heard a vaguely familiar voice call my name.

"Victoria!"

I looked up to see someone running toward me at full speed. Before I could identify him, James was crouching in front of me. What was going on? I was having a flashback of being on the mountain witn Bella and Edward, except this time, I appeared to be in Bella's position instead of with Riley. Wait. . . Riley. Riley sounds familiar . . . Oh! It's Riley. Great. Just great.

_James POV_

"Victoria, I'm so glad I found you!" he exclaimed. Then, he looked at me and asked, "Who the hell are you?"

Is he serious? Is he freaking serious? I replied, "Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Riley. I'm Victoria's boyfriend. I'm sure you've heard about me."

Oh, so this was the infamous Riley. I had heard about him, just not in the way he thought. I just raised an eyebrow and stared at him.

"Well," said Riley, "This has been fun. Now, can you get out of the way so I can go see my woman?"

His woman? Okay, that was too much. I felt a brief pang of jealousy, which was quickly replaced by anger. "Your woman?"

"Yes, I assume you've heard the story."

"Listen, kid-" I said, and he bristled. "I don't care what happened in Seattle. Victoria's mine, so back off."

"So," Riley continued, "You have heard the story. You should know that she loves me, then."

"Yeah," I shot back, "I've heard the story from _her _perspective. She never loved you, kid. She was pretending. She used you, and I can prove that she likes me better."

"No, she doesn't," Riley argued. "She likes me. She's mine."

"No, let me get this through your thick skull. She's MINE!"  
"Hey, guys?" Victoria interrupted. "I'm not a piece of property. Neither of you owns me. I own me."

Well, that doesn't work so wee for me. She's mine, not his, so to prove my point, I grabbed her and pulled her closer.

Before I could do anything, Laurent grabbed her and said, "Please, please, please don't make this another 'that' memory!"

Is he kidding me? He actually had the nerve to do that? If I want to prove my point, I will prove my point. "Hold that thought," I said to Riley, then I turned and ripped Laurent's head off. Though it served no purpose, it felt good. Now that that problem is taken care of, I grabbed Victoria and pulled her closer. Again.

Twenty minutes later, I pushed her away and said to Riley, "Is that enough proof for you?"

Riley POV

"So she made out with you for twenty minutes, big deal. She's a good actress. Good enough to pretend that she enjoyed that."

"Okay then, Mr Big Shot. Ask her to do that with you."

"Fine." I turned to her. "Victoria?"

"Hell, no."

"But we've done it before," I protested.

"Yes, and those memories will always haunt me."

"But. . ."

"Forget it, Riley," she said. "James is right, I used you. I was faking. And you're right, I am a good actress, for pretending that I loved you."

Rejection washed through me, and I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "I hate you, I hate you all!"

I ran off. I could hear them behind me. "Should I go kill him?"

"Nah, it's not worth it."

Nice, now I'm an it. I kept running, not watching where I was going. That's why I was surprised when I hit a rock.

I looked up. It wasn't a rock, it was another vampire. She looked kind of like the guy that James killed, but she was HOT!

"Woah, you're hot!"

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	7. Chapter 7

_Lamia POV_

"What did you just say to me? Who do you think you are?" I asked.

"I'm Riley, and I said 'Wow, you're hot!' Pleasure to meet you."

"Wish I could say the same. How did you-"

"Don't ask," he said.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

Not knowing what else to say, I asked, "So, did you have an interesting awakening?"

"Why do you ask?" he inquired.

"Well, when everyone else woke up, it was because of that damn unicorn that just won't die. No matter how many times we eat it, it just keeps coming back! And it talks! It's the most annoying piece of shit around, besides Laurent."

"Oh . . ." Riley said, probably not knowing where to go next.

I decided to save him from an awkward silence by asking, "So, where did you come from?"

"Well, you see, my mom and my dad really liked each other, so one night, they hopped in bed and-"

"Thanks, Smart-ass," I said. "I meant how did you get here?"

"Well, first, I got killed by a werewolf and I went to hell. Then, I saw the Devil killing this redhead, so I went to see if it was Victoria. I asked why he killed her, and instead of answering, he just killed me too."

_Victoria POV_

"Nice job, James," I said. "I don't think he's ever coming back."

"I hope not, but as for you . . . what the hell was that?"

I was about to answer, but I was interrupted by Laurent. "Ahhhh . . . that . . . that . . . not again . . . too much kissing . . . have to lie down." "You're a vampire for crying out loud! You don't need to lie down. EVER! People make out all the time. Get over it. It's not that big of a deal. Grow up!" yelled James.

"Me grow up? What about you? You're trying to prove to a _kid _that Victoria's yours! I think everyone in the _world _ has figured it out by now!"

"Your point?" James asked.

"You're the one with the growing up to do."

Blah blah blah. Boy, this could take a while. I give it a week . . . or two. Maybe a month . . . three at the most before these two stop arguing. Hopefully no more than that. Maybe if I . . .

"Would you two just shut the hell up?" I screamed. "I've had to listen to this for centuries and I can't take it anymore! If you don't stop now, so help me, I'll make you!"

"Jeez," said James. "All you had to do was ask us to stop. You didn't have to freak out on us like that. You're such a spaz when you're pissed."

"What did you just call me, James?"

_James POV  
_

Not again. Why? Why me? Why is it that whenever I talk, I get myself in shit? Is my mouth really that big? I mean, it's not my fault that she has so many imperfections.

"I said, 'You're such a spaz when you're-'"

"I know what you said."

I couldn't resist asking. "Then why'd you ask?"

She rolled her eyes. "Well, why'd you say it?"

"Because it's true," I told her.

"Okay, that's it. I'm tired of all your BS"

"What are you gonna do, kill me?" I taunted.

"No, I'm going back to Riley."

"Are you serious?"

She has got to be kidding me. Could my life get any more screwed up? Wait, don't answer that. Cause it can, and it will. I just don't want to stick around and watch.

_Victoria POV_

"Of course I'm serious," I told him, but I wasn't sure. Did I really want to go back to Riley? First of all, I loved James and hated Riley. And second, Riley was NOT a good kisser. I shuddered at the memory. This was one of those times when I wished I could forget things.

"But you don't even like Riley. You like me," James said.

"How do you know I'm not faking?"

"Because we made out for twenty minutes, and I can tell that you enjoyed it."

"Maybe I didn't. Maybe I was faking," I taunted.

"No, you liked it."

"How do you know?" I demanded. I was getting annoyed.

"Because when you don't like something, you either spaz out, become a total jerk or kill something. And you didn't do any of those things."

"That's not true!"

Wait . . . holy crap, it is true! Arrrgh! I did just spaz out on him, and when I got mad back in Hell, I killed him, and when I got mad at Edward, I tried to kill Bella! And then after Laurent's terrible 'that' memory, I guess I was kind of a jerk towards him.

"Yes, it is," James interrupted my thoughts.

"Whatever. I'm still going back to Riley."


	8. Chapter 8

_Lamia POV_

"So, how did you get here?" Riley asked me.

"Remember the story about the immortal children?"

"That was you?"

"Yeah, I was in-" I was interrupted by someone yelling for Riley. I looked up to see who it was. Great, it was Victoria. I hate her.

"Riley," she said. "I'm so sorry about what I did and said before. Could we just pretend that everything after Seattle never happened?"

Excuse me? That stupid bitch is trying to steal my man.

"No," I told her. "You can't start over. You had your chance, and you blew it. He's mine, now."

"I wasn't asking you," she snapped, then turned to him. "Riley?"

"Um . . ." Riley said, obviously considering the offer.

"Don't listen to her, Riley," I told him, then turned to Victoria. "Listen, you stupid bitch, the world doesn't revolve around you. You can't always get what you want."

"So you think he wants you?" Victoria questioned.

_Victoria POV  
_

"I don't think. I know," Lamia said.

"Yeah, you're right. You're not capable of thinking."

"Wow," Riley interrupted. "This is better than TV. Where's the popcorn?"

"SHUT UP!" we screeched.

I continued my ranting. "Nobody is ever going to be attracted to _you. _ Have you looked in the mirror lately?"

"I can't. You already broke them all."

Okay, that had to be the oldest line in history of the world, but I'd had enough. I crouched down, getting ready to spring at her. I was barely off the ground when someone caught me from behind and pulled me back down. I screamed in fury and tried to break free, but I couldn't.

I heard a voice from behind me. "Victoria, chill." It was James.

"Let go of me," I growled.

"No."

"Yes."

"No," he said. "You need to learn to control your temper."

"I don't have a temper."

"You were about to spring and rip her head off, and you're trying to tell me you don't have a temper?" James asked.

"Just let me go so I can kill her."

"No. Look, I don't like her either, but you have to have _some_ self control."

"I have plenty of self control," I insisted.

"Prove it."

"I will. As soon as I kill her."

"No, you won't, becase you're not going to kill her."

"Since when are you the boss of me?" I challenged.

"Since always," he smirked, then began to drag me away.

"Let go of me, you stupid jackass!"

He ignored me and kept pulling. After a while, I realized that he was stronger than me, and just let him pull me away.

_James POV_

It took a while, but I finally dragged Victoria bac to . . . well, wherever we were before, I guess.

"You can let go of me now," she said.

"If I do, you'll go back and kill Lamia."

"No, I won't," she lied.

I sighed, but I didn't release her. I was about to try to reason with her - an impossible feat - when Laurent came by. Yay.

He took one look at us and asked Victoria and asked, "Did you spaz out _again_?"

She growled under her breath and asked, "Can I kill _him_?"

I know I told her she needs to control herself, but Laurent is just so annoying.

"Yeah, go ahead."

I let go, and she lunged forward to rip Laurent's head off before I could even blink. Then, she turned and ran back in the direction that we came from. Wow, when she wants something, she will stop at nothing to get it."

It took a while to catch up to her, but when I finally did, I tackled her to the ground. She growled at me, but didn't fight back, knowing it was kinda pointless.

"It's not worth it, Victoria. She'll die and then come back again. It serves no purpose."

"It makes me less angry, and that's a good thing. Nobody likes me when I'm angry," she pointed out.

"Nobody likes you when you're not angry," I began, but backtracked when I saw her glare. "Well, except me, and Riley and Laurent . . ."

"Laurent doesn't count. He likes everybody."

"Good point," I said. "Anyway, you don't need to kill Lamia because you don't want Riley. You want me."

"No, I don't."

"Since when?"  
"Since you called me a spaz," she said.

"Sorry about that, it just kind of slipped out."

"When does it not slip out?"

I laughed. "So, do you forgive me?"

"No."

"Awww, come on! Please?"

"I love it when you beg," she smiled.

"You're mean."

"I know. And yes, I forgive you. For now."

"For now?" I asked.

"Well, you're probably gonna say something stupid tomorrow, so . . ."

"Good point."


End file.
